Woman Lioness

Went shopping at Covent Garden today for something to wear to my own farewell do at work. Now that I am no longer in leadership, somehow I found myself choosing different clothes. I went for red dresses, feminine scarves and ornate accessories. I surprised myself in my choices and in realising how much I have tried to dress like a man in the past 2 years. I wore pin striped trouser suits with manly belts and minimal accessories. I grew out the highlights in my hair, cut it shorter and learnt to do the 'barely-there' make up. FBI agent de-riguer. That was the reality of being one of 2 women in a leadership team full of white middle-age, not to mention strong-minded American men. Haydee and I both started to dress like men.


I had gotten the idea in my mind that I needed people to see past my femininity. A soft feminine voice was a problem, as is too much emotion. Sentimentality is an issue. Too often, I was given the impression that emotion is a bad thing at work. Calm objectivity is preferred, as is loud, gung-ho, back-slapping confidence. 


The Color Conference started to change my mind. Strong sentimentality and the ability to empathize is a gift. I find it easy to see things from someone else's point of view. I cry so often that it is embarassing at my age. But Jesus wept too....even when he knew he could raise Lazarus, he wept because he felt what Martha felt. Compassion is a gift. 


I want to be a woman at work. Women know how to add the human aspect to life. Perhaps in an age where working for a large corporate means endless de-humanising cost cuts and efficiency drives, endless ass-covering in an era of constant litigation, a little more caring in the workplace could go a long way. I don't know, maybe I will start dressing like a man again. But I sure as hell hope not.