Morose

Some people noticed that I have been in a particularly morose mood in the last couple of months. I think in times of stress, I become particularly introspective. I had a lot of thoughts to sort through, not to mention having to come to terms with my feelings regarding the work situation and the move. Which is why keeping a blog is handy as is going to church. One helps me commmunicate my thoughts, another helps me sort them out.


I can literally sit by myself all day and just think if I weren't careful. Luckily, I found distraction in furnishing my new Singapore flat - where ever it may be....and in accumulating kitchenalia; and in cooking; taking photos; running in greenwich park and in doing yoga. 


Only a couple of people were really able to push through my mental fog over the last couple of months. One is a colleague who is going through exactly the same thing at work. I think through our chats, usually over yahoo or lunch at an old man's pub, we were able to scrape each other off the floor and dust down. Now we both are starting to feel unbeaten, undefeated and ready to take on the next thing. I managed to invite the colleague to church so we'll see where that goes. This is my best friend at work, having worked closely with each other for seven years - half our working careers. We will be like separated twins when I leave but we have agreed to keep in touch. Maybe someday we will work together again.


A couple of other people made it their job to check that I am doing ok. Calling regularly and being available for me to ask advice on various aspects of the move whether regarding accommodation in SG, my crazy kitchenalia accumulation, even how to back up my Macbook.


There were a couple of surprises as well. Like a trader suddenly sending yahoos out of the blue to give unsolicited advice on the property market in Singapore - buy in the $1m to $2m range he says. Yeah.....There were various other random acts of kindness and attention. Even from near strangers - like my landlord who came and fixed my curtain hooks, fixed the washing machine and mopped my kitchen floor even though I was moving out. My family is sterling as usual. And then there are the enthusiastically pre-emptive invites to dinners in SG. Oh yes, I even had one out-of-the-blue offer of significant financial help.   


I examined my feelings and I think this feels like I am breaking up with someone I love, not just moving a location. The poetic, melodramatic part of me mourns the passing of a eight year love story, not just with the city, but with my job, my friends and my home. I am not sure where this kind of thing stands on a global scale of stress, but at a stressful time at least for me, thanks to you, I don't feel at all lonely.